I’ve seen the end of the world. And it’s Facebook


Facebook, turns out it is massive. Everyone including your mum has it and yes I know, it is a mortal embarrassment.

Unfortunately this means it’s a magnet for the weirdos, cretins and fools that inhabit the darkest recesses of the internet. You see them everywhere; burberry twats looking like a cross between the village idiot and VickyPollard using words like “it wz propa metal innit” for those not fluent in tosser that means “it was very mad….innit.”

It’s not just the mentalists and the absence of Vowels that make facebook the arse crack of the world as it is the site itself, Facebook began life as a Harvard version of Hot or Not, originally wanting to compare students to Animals but the founder, Mark Zuckerberg couldn’t find a way to do that (He should have given it a few years then, then again the Hot option would die of boredom.)

Facebook became one of the fastest growing social networking sites overtaking MySpace which by then was the number 1 cause of epileptic fits by way of the hideous profiles and the number 2 cause of Vertigo thanks to the rather shitty profile pictures

Facebook has undergone 1 radical change and the mouth breathers immediately began to protest with around 800,000 joining the 800,000 different groups protesting about the new change. An number dwarfed recently when Facebook dared to make the news feed simpler with a whopping 1,314,647 members, then again Poo has over 3000, yes the love of all things scatological has over 3000 people commenting on how soft and mushy it can be, and their favourite kind (for the record, nice and hard, minimal wiping,)

But this isn’t why I dislike Facebook, although I would like to state I originally did like it but then small things started to annoy me. For me it is the rather stalkerish way Facebook is now. Pictures of people you know with “SEND THEM A MESSAGE!” written under it making you feel like if you don’t something bad will happen. At this point I find myself shouting at the computer that “I don’t want to send them a message! you can’t make me send a message!” then strangely exclaiming YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER!”

The other thing is the way it’s trying to start a Lemming mentality, oh that prick who dropkicked you 8 years ago is a fan of ‘getting rimmed in Prison’ followed by the delightful order BECOME A FAN. I wonder how many people actually read the group name or bother to check it out before joining, take a look at your groups, I bet you find one you don’t want to be a member.

Finally photos. If you know me (As this will end up on my facebook you will) you will know I hate my Photo being took. But that doesn’t stop my ugly Mug getting plastered over the internet more times than Tiger woods get a hole in one (controversial.)

I have to end this now that speccy Kid who played with himself at the back of Math class has joined a group about Piss. I must join it. For Facebook has ordered me to. Innit.

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One thought on “I’ve seen the end of the world. And it’s Facebook

  1. Tim Callaghan December 17, 2009 / 11:16 am

    I think I may be a member of that poo group (must check me thinks).

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