Shove a humbug up your a**e

Christmas, I am not a fan, yes it’s the season of about that “chap who gets born on Christmas Day, shoots his mouth off about everything under the sun, and then comes a cropper with a couple of rum coves on top of a hill in Johnny Arab land. *” Let’s get this straight. I hate shopping for someone who isn’t me, I hate bloody songs that have been played endlessly for 30 years, here’s a hint Elton, instead of stepping into Christmas you step in-front of a train.

I dislike wrapping paper, In fact I hate it with a passion it doesn’t even disguise what the present is, you spend 40 minutes getting your fingers sliced up by paper that rips at every given opportunity to disguise a pair of socks. Christmas pudding is sticky death which frankly should have a fuse wire sticking out of it, and I’m sorry the amount of brandy in those cakes, it’s one step from drinking hand cleaner.

I think I’m coming down too hard on Christmas, yes the time off work is nice and it’s only a week from the biggest anti climax of the year. But between the socks and the inevitable hang over/indegestion it’s not that bad, plus once December 25 is over the world returns to normality.

Christmas was a time for family and charity but it’s fast become a “Prove you’re a good parent by spending lots” I think it’s lost it’s way, yes there are some out there who think the whole thing is but an assimilation of saturnalia which frankly sounds better than Christmas. So let’s enjoy the food, enjoy the drink (put the hand cleaner down) and a few gifts. But for the love of god, let’s just shove turkey down our throat and not this made up rubbish you don’t need to buy half a toyshop to be a good parent. Obviously if you live in Tottenham then you’ve had the presents since August oh and come up with some new songs.

*Blackadder’s Christmas Carol


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